I have decided it is a lot easier to
write a letter to y'all if i do it day by day and then i don't miss
Monday was normal but i seem to loose
more and more time. I think i try to do to much and not prioritize. That is my
goal today. To prioritize and make sure i get what i really need to get done. I
was actually living on the edge Monday night! We had dinner at a members home
who lives on the edge of our mission. Weird! kind of funny! I was kind of
tempted to drive to the edge and stand on where it changes and say " i am
standing on both lines" like at Four Corners. My companion was not to happy
and laughed at me.
Tuesday was a crazy day and not much success.
We had Lunch with the Sister that has Leukemia and mostly listened and talked
about Boys. Ha-ha. Simply girl talk. We made sure though to add some missionary
work in their and talk about how she feels about everything she's been going
through. I have never seen anyone more positive when it came to having
Wednesday we had Zone Training. It was the most
spiritual, uplifting zone/district meeting yet. Each speaker really had the
spirit and it was clear that they all really prepared and prayed about what
they were to teach. One of our Zone leaders talked on being more trusting in
the lord on the work and the other leader taught on church tours. To teach he
gave all of the companionship's a room or something to do. We all had a role in
our little missionary church tour. It was a very amazing experience. Who knew a
role play could be so moving?-ha-ha. We talked on the nursery. When we finished
at the Chapel. Our Zone leader asked us to go in to the Chapel and not talk and
to sit and ponder on our relationship with our Savior and our Heavenly Father.
When we walked in really and truly their was not sound and we all sat down. We
sat for about 2 minutes and the spirit worked it's way through all of us. I
felt so happy and i know that i need to have a church tour with investigators.
I never have done it before. I was scared to do it in front of everyone. I kind
of had to laugh at myself because really i have been going to this church
forever and every church has the same rooms and meaning. It was easier. I
noticed why the Chapel should always conclude. The rest of the church is
important as well and a spirit builder for the when you come to the chapel.
Investigators or whoever sees has a tour will end at the Chapel and see how
significant it is and feel the spirit and know they are in the house of the
Lord! I know that whoever comes to have tour can feel that spirit because all
us missionaries felt it and it wasn't even the real thing. We even got the New
initiative from the church. It is Because He lives. Its for Easter. The video
doesn't come till the end of the month. I advise all of y'all to see it. It is
amazing. I got to watch it before the church sent it out! CRAZY! That's a
blessing of being a missionary. lol!
Thursday we were finally able to go to
the mechanic to get the brakes worked on. I have come to see that people in
North Carolina likes having really expensive cars.(Brenden and Cameren you
would love all these cars here). We have finally finished weekly planning on
weekly Planning day and so i think that was a great accomplishment.
Friday was a little on the wild
side. We had change after change to our plans. I even had an emotion
explosion and that made it hard to get things done. I started to doubt myself
and rethink my worthiness, Really this week has been full of Prayers! we did
however finally see our investigator. We didn't get to teach her because when
we got their she was cooking. We did however got to see her husband and find
our why he doesn't go to church. (Bad experiences in the past) we told him that
in our church we come to be more humble and those who come normally are trying
to be better. We invited him but he didn't come.
On Saturday i finally told Sister
Behrmann that i was having a hard time. She talked me through it and told me to
talk to President. I told her that i feel that i have not completely repented
of last sins and so i am started to doubt again.
I am worried that i haven't
repented or haven't gotten confirmation that i was forgiven. I started to blame
myself that i am unworthy and that is why we haven't been successful in finding
new people to teach. I seriously love my Companion she is a great missionary
and told me that it can't be my fault and that they all have their agency. She
asked me if i felt unworthy to enter the temple for when i was endowed. I told
her No and she said then its Satan and you are letting him win. Now that scared
me and i have been praying and praying and PRAYING. I have never prayed so hard
in my life. I prayed that God would help me to know what to do and to help take
this doubt away. I asked him to strengthen my faith and help guide me to know
what to do. I told him that i want to be here and i want to be a
missionary and i know that this church is true. I know that the Book of Mormon
is the one book that we all can learn from and it can answer question we all
need answers too. I seriously have never said such detailed prayers or just
shown my gratitude to him. I haven't cried myself to sleep in awhile too!
Sunday was the best! since i have
had such a terrible couple of days i again prayed that Heavenly Father would
help me find and answer to my prayers and help me feel the influence of the
spirit. I know that god answered my prayer. He allowed the spirit throughout
the sacrament. I felt the spirit even more singing. We talked about the Holy
Ghost during Sunday school and again the spirit was teaching me. Throughout the
entire time at church i knew that God had put things the way i needed them. He
knew i needed to hear the song and the lesson on the Holy Ghost. I felt him
their with me.
The biggest thing that
happened yesterday was after church i went to lay down on my bed and turned on
a talk from Elder Holland "An Ensign to the Nation" ( Great talk by
the way). When i was about to fall asleep i had this overwhelming feeling in my
chest and then a huge chill starting at my feet and came all the way up to my
head. Elder Holland did something like "Those of you who have struggle
turn to the Lord and trust he will help. To repent of the sins we commit and
never turn back and that every General Conference talk is from the Lord."
He said something like that when i had my little conformation. I knew that God
was showing me that he was listening and had answered me and I knew that i
didn't need to worry about that he had forgiven me. He heard my plea! From this
experience that just happened yesterday has given me a motivation. I can now
teach about Repentance, the holy ghost, enduring to the end and that the Lord
answers prayers. He doesn't forget us our reason for it may be the wrong way
and not willing to act on our answers. If we ask in a way where it is for our
benefit and not to show our faith he won't answer us. It makes more sense if we
just pray about things that have not real impact on us. I am learning so much
and i hope to be able to continue!
I hope you all have
a great week! Congratulations to Katie and Josh! i wish i could be their. I
hope this experience is an experience of lifetime.
Sister Tayler Farr